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New Year, new ME.  Week 15 is a definite marker for me.  From weeks 11-14 I was struggling to keep up with the activities.  Week 15, and everything is finally flowing.  Of the activities I have not accomplished at the level I would like, the Mental Diet is number one.  To go seven days without a negative, fearful, worrying, judging (even of myself), or complaining thought that gets removed within 5 seconds is difficult.  I have been strict with myself on the “5-second rule.”  As we learned, it is the norm for our brain, conditioned by 1000’s of years for survival, to focus on what could or is going wrong.  But to recognize that thought as not just unnecessary, but actually detrimental to the goal of visual, creative, constructive thinking (within 5 seconds), has been difficult to say the least.

What I do notice is a huge shift in that when I catch myself making “survival plans” in my head, I am much kinder with myself.  It might not be within 5 seconds, but the negative thoughts are noticed.  And that is huge.

So I think January will be the month for 7 consecutive days of positive, constructive, creative thinking.

15.13 Thought may lead to action of any kind, but whatever the action, it is simply the thought attempting to express itself in visible form.  It is evident, therefore, that if we wish desirable conditions, we can afford to entertain only desirable thoughts.

But the thought must be clear cut, steady, fixed, definite, unchangeable; you cannot take one step forward and two steps backward; neither can you spend twenty or thirty years of your life building up negative conditions as the result of negative thoughts, and then expect to see them all melt away as the result of fifteen or twenty minutes of right thinking. Haanel 14.26

I’d been beating myself up a little bit about my failures.  Failure to go 7 days on the mental diet (no negative/worry/fear/judging/criticizing thought for longer than 5 seconds), failure of missed readings, failure to be on time with new assignments and blog posts.  But the holidays came with time off from my educator’s job, time FOR myself and my personal development and growth.  And we had a bye week on the Sunday webinar.  I made a promise to myself to not only catch up with MKE, but to do so with ENTHUSIASM, with passion and purpose.  To find ways of owning each piece and falling in love again with the process and the effects.  Master Key 14.26 was pivotal in my not only pushing through, but in forgiving myself; in moving past my “failures” and in celebrating my wins. In realizing it is a process and I am smack dab in the middle of it all.

I made a list and knew I would accomplish everything.  I always keep my promises.

I revised my DMP; and found that mixing it up, with combos of DMP, movie version, one sentence version, and my press release helped me with enthusiasm and positive anticipation.

I look forward to the sit.  It is not the most difficult part anymore, it is my favorite part.

Week 14 we had a task to watch a movie from a list.  I watched October Sky.  Homer Hickam persists with passion on learning how to build a rocket.  He doesn’t quit despite many setbacks and the lack of belief (ridicule and rejection) of family and community. He is so inspired by Spunick in October 1957 (a month before I was born – seems somewhat serendipitous), that he pursues his dream and overcomes what he is told is his destiny – to be a coal miner.

I will persist.  I will win.

The end of a semester is a very hectic and busy time for a teacher, especially a high school teacher with 6 classes and 155 students.  I went back into the classroom after five years as a curriculum and program coordinator, so this year I am creating my own curriculum a mere stone’s throw ahead of the students themselves.

So weeks 12 and 13 in the MKE system were running parallel and were intertwined with the circus of a crazy busy life.  Complicated by a mini crisis like situation for a family member who needs me to be able to drop everything and be there when needed, usually that means to just be present as a good listener. I am so thankful that the MKE is helping me to be a fully present and empathetic listener.

I learned the last 2-3 weeks to be kind to myself, not beat myself up that I was running behind on some parts of the MKE, and instead bask in the happiness that I actually knew what those parts were, and was ENTHUSIASTICALLY excited to get to them. My readings were more enthusiastic than ever as these moments were moments for not just me, but my future self.  That friend whom I care about so much and want to make sure I am doing everything that is humanly possible for the best life ever for my future self.

I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy!

I ALWAYS keep my promises.

Although I have struggled with finding time for all the activities and everything else I am committed to (day job, business, family, health, Ollie the Bordercollie….), surprisingly (at least to me) I find myself today caught up with the course and ready for this Sunday’s webinar!  Yay me!!  Yay Master Key!  Are we really already on week 12?!!

Things I notice:

• I stay calm and neutral when emotions around me are flying high.  I notice I go to my breath, or one of the auto-suggestions that are becoming second nature.
• I am happier.  When I am not happy, I can sit with it and drill down to the source of discontent. Once I know what is causing my anxiety (or sadness, overwhelm), I can move on from it and be happy again.
• I am kinder to myself.  I notice my accomplishments, both small and large, and don’t dwell on what I am still working on.
• I have way more faith in myself and others.
• I LOVE and look forward to my commute to work.  I get excited with that block of time and use it for ENTHUSIASTIC out loud auto-suggestions, for audible books, for practice on mindful breathing, for chanting along to Kirtan music, and for phone calls and connection.
• I am OK with my loved ones who are not on this path and love them right where they are.
• My mental diet is improving.  I catch my worried or negative thoughts earlier.  Not always with the 5-second rule, but getting closer.

I’m not gonna lie.  The last 2-3 weeks haven’t been easy by a long shot. When I was on week 8 webby last Sunday, and Mark complimented those of us who have come this far, I did not feel great about myself.  I felt like I was barely holding on.  I knew I was not hitting the readings three times a day.  I had not made my recording yet.  And I still had not made it through a reading of Emerson without falling asleep.

While our mental diet of no negative thoughts that “catch” (over 5-7 seconds) had been in place for over a week, I still had not made it though a single day.

I was challenged by stuff going on in my home life, my work life, and my health.  I felt like I was about to crash and burn.

But I did the best I could each day anyway.

If I came home with a migraine and missed the evening read, I got up and started again the next day.

If I fell asleep trying to read Emerson, I read The Greatest Salesman again to wake me up.

When I was at work, I took joy in doing my job well.  In connecting with my students.  In feeling the “I love you” with every person I encountered.

Most everything that could go wrong did go awry in work and life and health. However, my goal of not dwelling on worry thoughts, of not succumbing to anxiety motivated behavior, was easier to hit with the mental diet and the daily work.

So, while I may not have gone a single day of less than 5 seconds on any negative thought, I have moved through a lot of challenges with more grace and belief in good outcomes than I would have before.

The cement is making itself known before it cracks off.  That’s for sure.